Wedding Thank You Notes: Etiquette

The Need for a Thank-You Note

• First, every wedding etiquette expert ever consulted says:  NO standard, preprinted thank-you card without a personal note is acceptable!  Yes, some companies sell them, but that does not make them socially acceptable.  We cannot stress enough the enormity of the faux-pas made by couples who take this route. Your guests will talk about your mistake for YEARS to come.

• No, those lovely favors you gave out that said "Thank you" on them do not count as your thank yous for the gifts.  The same is true of the warm thanks you gave to each guest in the receiving line.  In these ways you thanked them for sharing your wedding celebration, not for the gifts.  Finally, a phone call, email, virtual greeting card or hug in person do not substitute for a formal thank-you note in response to a wedding gift.  A wedding is a more formal event than everyday life, and the social conventions are also more formal.

• You need to send a thank-you card with a handwritten note on it for each gift you get for your wedding shower and wedding, as well as to everyone who helped with or was in your wedding.  There is no polite way around it.  (However, both the bride and groom have this responsibility--get some help!)

Type of Thank-You Card

• Your notes of thanks can be actual personalized cards that say "Thank you" on them, personalized cards that match your wedding stationery (available with almost all of our invitation designs), personalized informal cards used for this purpose, or generic blank Thank You cards.  Traditionally brides use informal cards printed with their monogram, their married names (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith) or both names (Mary and John Smith).  Just make sure you don't use your married name until AFTER the wedding!

• Another popular idea is to write your thank-you notes on a photo greeting card, sharing a picture with your guests as you thank them.  This is most common when the thank-yous are sent out around Christmas time, but it is being done more and more at other times of the year as well.

• You can have your return address preprinted on your envelopes or use personalized labels.  You should still handwrite the address of the person to whom you are sending thanks.

Wording of the Thank-You Note

• Your note should include a line or two referring to the gift from that person and thanking them for coming to the wedding, if appropriate.

• For monetary gifts, do not mention the amount or form of the money, but just refer to the "generous gift" and tell them how you plan to use the money, such as for a house fund, honeymoon, or something like that. (Do not say it will help pay your wedding bills!)

• NEVER say or imply that the gift will be returned, even if you got seven toasters.

• Your note should be written in the voice of one person and signed by one person, but it should refer to the thanks of the other person as well.

• If you want some great wording suggestions, check out www.VerseIt.com.  Here is a sample to get you started:

Dear Aunt Mary,

     Dylan and I were so thrilled to get the two china place settings you gave us.  We cannot wait to use them this Easter when we have all of you over.  We will think of you whenever we use our new dishes.

We enjoyed visiting with you at the reception and we appreciate your joining in our celebration.  Thanks again.

                           With love from both of us,

                                              Emma

When to Send the Note

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  It is appropriate to send your note of thanks as soon as possible, and never later than three months after the wedding.  (Of course, if three months comes and you have not yet sent them, DO IT!  Late is better than never!)  Your promptness shows more appreciation and better manners, and it reassures guests that their gift was not lost or stolen.

• If you get gifts before the wedding, you should send immediate thank-you notes for them.

• If you order thank-you notes ahead of time (like with your invitations), get imprinted return addresses or personalized labels, and send them out as you receive gifts, keeping up with your Thank You Notes is not really that hard.  And I guarantee everyone will note whether you sent gracious thank-you notes or not, so make your first impression as husband and wife a good one!

Back to Weddings

Blank Thank You Notes

Personalized Thank You Notes

Address Labels

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For more online wedding etiquette advice, checklists and wedding tips, check out "I Do" in MN and "I Do" in NJ, which are co-sponsored by Antonia Rose Printing.

They contain many useful worksheets, tips, ideas and more, as well as a downloadable PDF planner version.